Change

Don’t Tell Me

Please don’t tell me you know how I feel,

Unless you have lost your child too.
Please don’t tell me my broken heart will heal,

Because that is just not true.
Please don’t tell me my daughter is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want her here with me.
Don’t tell me someday I’ll hear her voice, see her face,
Beyond today I cannot see.

Don't tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot.

Don't tell me to face the fact she is gone,
Because denial is something I can’t stop.
Don’t tell me to be thankful for the time I had,

Because I wanted more.
Don’t tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I’ll never be as I was before.

What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child.
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while.

And please don’t hesitate to say her name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday.
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me,

You may like the new person I become someday.

                                                             -Anonymous

So this is a poem that I found soon after we lost Ava and I've held onto it for a long time and wanted to share it with others. This almost perfectly sums up everything I feel, but particularly the parts that I bolded above. I can't tell you how many times I've encountered friends or people at work or even my own family who have said something to the effect of "when will you get better and be your normal self." I want to seriously scream every time I hear something like this. Why can't others understand that after this type of loss, a person will never be the same. The way I look at the world has completely changed forever and it will never go back to "normal". In my opinion, I have changed for the better. I now love harder, breathe deeper and cherish every second I have on this Earth to be with my friends and family. Ava has forever changed me and I love her even more for that. It's just so funny to me (and not in a ha, ha way) how some people just really can't handle change. Now don't get me wrong, before Ava passed away I would be the first person to say I hated change. It always made me nervous and uneasy, but once I got through the initial shock, it actually ended up being for the better in most cases. So, why can't others get past the initial shock that I am not the same and embrace the new me? I really just have a different perspective on life now. I don't get hung up on the little things as much and I really try to enjoy life. What about that sounds so bad? Yes, I do have days where I am very, very sad and don't feel like being around people or listening to their "problems", but that is expected and those days are becoming fewer and more far between (although they will always be there). I also know that as a society we are very uncomfortable with grief and all the madness that comes along with it, but I would like to think that those who truly know me would get over their own issues to help me and my husband through this journey and embrace our change. I guess all I can really say to the people in my life at this point is, "I am beginning to really like the new me and I hope you can too."