Three Months

This week marks the three month anniversary of our little girl's passing. I'm not really sure why, but this anniversary has hit me very hard. I really was getting to the point where going to work or going out in public wasn't debilitating anymore, but lately it's just so difficult. Seeing pregnant women makes me want to hide in a hole somewhere and never come out! I guess hitting this mark just makes me realize that I should be sooo pregnant by now and have all the normal "I can't wait to have this baby" moments. But, I won't get any of that at all. Instead, I have to worry about things like getting our baby's death certificate and autopsy report. That just isn't something that any parent should have to go through. It's pure torture.

Another thing that makes this anniversary even harder is that Mother's Day is coming up very fast. I normally enjoy this day because my mom is truly one of the best people on the planet and I like showering her with love all day! But this Mother's Day won't be anything like that because all I will be able to think about is Ava and how she isn't here anymore. The part that makes it even worse is that even though I consider myself a mom, no one else really does. This normally wouldn't bother me, but this holiday is usually about other people acknowledging the moms they know in their lives and not one person (except my hubby) will acknowledge me as one. I may not have the privilege of having my daughter here on Earth with me, but trust me that I still parent her every day. I make sure there are flowers in her nursery to brighten it up, I make sure we have her death certificate and we are participating in March for Babies in honor of her. I mean there are some moms who are lucky enough to have children here with them and don't even do what my husband and I do for our little girl. I just wish more people would see loss mamas as true mothers because we really are!

Thanks to everyone for reading my very first post and there will be lots more to come!

Also, as I mentioned above, my husband and I are participating in March for Babies. I would appreciate any help in raising money to ensure that this does not happen to anyone else. If you can donate, we would be very grateful. You can access our site at http://www.marchforbabies.org/asnider85